Healing with Perspective and Nature

By Yarlin Valle

Well, to provide some context regarding my journey, I grew up in a religious Christian home. Both of my parents were pastors, and I have four siblings, including a younger sister who shares the same father and mother. Growing up, there was a strong emphasis from my parents for me to fit into the mold of a pastor’s daughter. While it had its enjoyable moments, it was also demanding. Various factors contributed to my depression, but it was the onset of illness at the age of five that had the greatest impact
on my mental health.

By the age of 13, I was diagnosed with Morphea Scleroderma, and by 14, I was diagnosed with Raynaud’s disease. This marked the beginning of joint deterioration in my fingers. Surprisingly, the doctors never fully disclosed my conditions and instead kept me under observation. They prescribed multiple antibiotics and had numerous students study my skin, without providing the answers I desperately sought. This continued until I turned 16. Around the age of 14, I discovered that my parents were getting a divorce, which shattered my world. It was especially difficult to accept, as they had always emphasized the importance of the Bible and the sanctity of marriage. I felt betrayed and lost trust in them. Despite their teachings against divorce, they chose to separate.

It wasn’t until I turned 16 that I truly experienced the consequences of my parents’ divorce on my mental health. Transitioning from a two-parent household to having a single mother and a father who rarely spent time with his children was incredibly challenging for me to accept. It was a new reality that I was unaccustomed to. At the same time, I was desperately trying to manage my medical conditions and prevent them from affecting me mentally and emotionally. Imagine being told by doctors at 16 that you might not live past five years, that your bones could disintegrate, leading to organ failure, and that having children might not be possible. It was a terrifying revelation that left me feeling hopeless. Unfortunately, I lacked support in seeking alternative medicine due to my parents’ inability to agree on any form of treatment, leading me to pursue Western medicine. I entrusted my disease to the doctors’ hands. Despite silently battling depression from the ages of 14 to 16, I became adept at hiding it. To the outside world, I appeared cheerful and full of life, but inside, I was numb and harbored a desire to end my suffering. I received little hope from my doctors, and my father continually stressed that having unwavering faith would lead to healing. My mother echoed similar sentiments, but their actions no longer aligned with their words. I never revealed the extent of my depression to the doctors, and they never inquired about my mental well-being. My spiritual nourishment solely revolved around the teachings of the Bible, as it was all I knew and had been taught.

Then, one day, my mother’s then-husband introduced me to different dietary habits such as eating salads, drinking green juices, and the importance of physical activity. We lived near the beach, and we began taking walks every morning. During my final year of high school, I enrolled in a couple of psychology classes. As I grew more comfortable with this new reality, I started incorporating the knowledge from my psychology classes into my personal life. Positive changes began to take place as I developed healthier habits. Our morning walks extended to the afternoon, and whenever I felt down or lonely, I sought solace in walks along the beach. I focused on improving my diet, expressing my emotions, and researching alternative healing methods. My life took a transformative turn when I traveled to Central America and spent a few months working on a farm. This experience allowed me to connect with beautiful people from various parts of the world, expanding my horizons. I experimented with natural remedies that reinforced my belief in the body’s innate ability to heal when cared for.

However, even with finding answers, coping mechanisms, and methods of healing, there was one aspect that remained: trauma. To this day, I am fully aware that my body carries the weight of past trauma. Even writing about it now proves challenging, evoking tears. Nevertheless, I believe my story serves as a powerful reminder that we can endure the worst imaginable circumstances and still find improvement every day by prioritizing our mental health and believing in ourselves. Although I have come a long way, the scars from past wounds will always remain. Given the uncertainty of organ failure, I understand that my condition led me to make impulsive choices and adopt a careless attitude toward life in the past. While I made many regrettable decisions during my early twenties, one thing I never did was give up on my healing journey. In 2022, I defied all odds by conceiving a baby boy, despite being told my whole life that it was statistically impossible due to my condition. Whether or not you believe in miracles is a personal choice. The fact remains that my baby boy and my remission were considered statistical impossibilities, yet here I am, proving them wrong after all these years. I firmly believe in receiving bad news without internalizing it. While easier said than done, this mindset propelled my recovery. I dedicated myself to working on my mind, body, and soul as if I were unstoppable. Every day, I take steps to feel even more invincible on my mental health journey.

So, what helps me cope? It is the resilience I have developed by refusing to give up on my journey. It is the healthy habits I have nurtured, including my diet and exercise, and let us not forget the power of breathwork. Whether we refer to it as God or by any other name, I firmly believe that divinity resides within us, urging us to treat ourselves as sacred beings in every aspect of our lives, regardless of the hardships we have endured. I am worthy, you are worthy of embodying the best version of yourself. This means practicing self-care and prioritizing our inner selves as if we were temples. We are the foundation upon which our lives are built.